Looking for a guy who's honest, sincere, faithful, and trustworthy? Goodluck on that! I am an Asian guy who enjoys walks on the beach and an occasional kick in the teeth. My mom says that I kiss like a retarded chimp on angel dust, but I'm not sure what that means. She hurts my feelings sometimes. She also says that I'm a keeper, but I suspect that she means kept locked in a closet, in the basement. I really miss that closet sometimes. Some of my interests are smoking in church, dropping F-Bombs on the elderly, scratching and sniffing instant lottery tickets, naked table tennis, humping your leg, and hiding from the cops. I'd like to do some of these things at your place. I don't have sex on the first date, but if we're not actually dating, then it might be OK. Just don't try to get me drunk and take advantage of me, because I don't go for that bullshit. I don't drink much, anyway. Maybe that explains the dry throat. For the discerning woman, here are my fab "facts" and FAQ's, about the most amazing man you'll ever meet, ME: 1. I am single, never married, and have no . So far, so good, but subject to change with a bit of old fashioned cunning and deceit. You figure it out. No, don't! 2. A Film Fan... I don't just mean, "I enjoy watching movies." I'm talking about plot, subplot, character, subtext, hero's journey, dialogue, cinematography, things like that. You know - the finer aspects of film. My favorite genres are vintage, amateur, up-skirt, downblouse, bareback, backseat, backdoor, backyard, back to school, back to sleep, bondage and MILF. DOH! Just kidding. Read on. 3. Recently returned from 7 long months in Amsterdam. It sucks. Nothing there but booze, beaches, sunshine, and sex. However, I developed an affinity for Dutch. If you speak it, I will give 3 points upgrade on your Hotness scale. You're a 6? Now you're a 9! Not a bad deal, if you ask me. 4. I am pretty mean in the kitchen. Seriously. That's where I usually beat people up. 5. I like everything HOT: hot dogs, hot tubs, hot peppers, Hot Wheels, walking on hot coals, hot chocolate, hot springs, anything hot off the grill or press, salsa, chilis, wasabi, the weather, whatevah. Yeah, you know EXACTLY where I'm going with this. Fire and brimstone, Baby. 6. Can I hold an intelligent conversation? Shit, let me tell ya... 7. Am I just trying to get into your pants? No. Actually, I'm trying to get you _out_ of them. 8. My only fault is that I have none. You, too, should be perfect in every way. Someone who can turn water into wine, heal the sick, and raise the dead would be ideal. After all, wine goes great with dinner, and who makes better company than the sick and the dead? 9. Will I still respect you in the morning? Phhhht... I don't respect you now. 10. There's a kernel of truth in everything I say (except when I'm lying). 11. I am comfortable in my own skin (but I usually wear clothes). 12. The last guy who sent you a message is a chump who secretly dresses in drag. I already know this. That's probably why you didn't respond. 13. I may be the last guy on earth who isn't a chump, or doesn't secretly dress in drag. That's why you should respond to me. And only me. 14. I won't go out with women who do drugs. Not unless they're really good drugs and you're willing to share. I'm kidding! Don't do drugs. 15. I can dance. Now I want to learn salsa and merengue. 16. Unlike these other idiots, I know how to use spell shecker. 17. Devoted, charming, chivalrous, loving and sweet. That's what I say. 18. But this is what you get: 19. I generally frown on texting while driving, but texting while in the throes of passion is definitely a deal breaker. Who the hell are you texting, anyway?! 20. (I've saved the best for last) I don't bullsh*t my way through life. I am like a half-retarded Indiana Jones, Will Hunting, and Van Wilder rolled into one. I love adventure and travel and have done so somewhat extensively.S. Cultured and worldy? Sure. Learned? More or less. Pretentious? Not so much. I'm a bad boy who's been reformed and refined (in life, not prison). Among others, I went to Fugg U., but don't worry. I'll impress your friends at your little soiree. - Reminds me: please don't write to me in French. I hate that. This year I am wrapping up 2 bachelor's degrees and preparing for grad school, provided that I don't bounce to Buenos Aires for steaks and tengo lessons instead. I prefer experience over material things. The reason I mm here is to experience the pleasure of sexual fantasies.Life is short, so why not make the most of it?